Two of my favorite things about America are playoff football and presidential politics. Often they both leave me with a nasty taste in my mouth; a mixture of violent urges, repressed anger, disillusion and clenched teeth. Such is the human condition and I yearn to taste its acidic discontent. Sorry for the hyperbole but the blood and guts that are sure to be spilled on the fields of battle get my testosterone pumping harder n' faster than the govenator's at a Oui magazine photo shoot.
Cue up Eye of the Tiger on a huge PA with 1500 watts of tube amplified power, gather as many TV's as possible into one room tuned to cspan, the majors & cnn with the volume at 11, call your coke dealer, and stock-up on as much kentucky bourbon as your budget allows. This primary isn't invisible anymore.
Both football and American politics are, as the cliché goes, games of inches. Both are dirty and while the meta narrative of either often centers around golden boy strategists and telegenic big play makers, the real stories of both are better told by what goes on at the bottom of large piles of fat, stinky, steroid pumped, neo-pagan thugs. It is at the bottom of these piles where we find jabs to ribs, twisted scrotums and every other manner of dirty trick and vice that separates man from other animals. Christ I love it.
This has been a great weekend for football and tomorrow is shaping up as an even better day in politics. At 6:30pm in Iowa it's time for that state's residents to Eskimo Up and engage in one of the best testaments to America’s unique and wonderful nature. Despite our rape of nature, imperialist war-mongering and the rising gap between rich and poor, tomorrow at the above mentioned time registered Democrats and Independents of the Hawkeyee State will gather in high school gyms, rec. centers and town halls to discuss the democratic presidential contenders. Then in public they will cast their votes, taking time, if they wish, to wrangle supporters from amongst their friends & neighbors for their candidate of choice. Not to overly romanticize an enabling process of an unfair and perverse two party system; it really is a remarkable event that by definition requires a level of interaction and intimacy with fellow members of one's community which much of America is sorely lacking. For a good description of how this process works check out this article from Sunday's Boston Globe, or for a history of the caucuses system check out this primer from the Iowa Sec. of State.
In regards to the actual political match-up, it's a four way classic and all pretentions of an early nominee-in-waiting presenting himself (rip CMB) before February second is a notion best suited to fools and dreamers. I am not sure if it will be good for our chances of beating bush but we will be lucky to know who the nominee is by super Tuesday and the prospect of a protracted fight that carries over onto the floor of the convention in Boston looms large. While Rove probably jerks off in the shower imagining john kerry and howard dean coming to fisticuffs on the dias of the Fleet Center as Bubba Clinton tries vainly to push Gen. Clark between them, it would be even better television than a nude jello match-up between Paris and Nicole; I for one welcome the prospect of either event.
Even I am not a big enough fool to pretend to know enough to harbor a guess at the winner of tomorrow’s shin-dig or the larger enchilada. Look for both dean and gep. to look good as the expectations game has been well handled by both teams (the thanks for which can mostly be leveled towards the undue attention to the meaningless tracking polls and Sunday’s Register poll). All I know is that no-matter what the outcome it is sure to be almost as much fun as watching New England bitch-slap pretty boy Peyton Manning and the rest of his sissy-boy teammates in a no holds barred- in the snow - old time football match on Sunday morning (i guess that was afternoon for those who live on real time). Teeth were left on the field by all Sunday but only the losers noticed, the Smart Money's* on the same being true tomorrow night in Iowa.
update: as near as i can tell there will be real-time caucus results here but i could be wrong. If anyone knows for sure please email me ben ::at:: newdream ::dot:: net.
*apologies to HST but it's damn hard to write about football and politics w/o stealing at least one term (if not TONE in general) from the master.